everything I said last night about rejection.

On rejection, rest, and radical optimism: a conversation about what creatives really need (imo)

Hola! I spoke on a panel about Rejection. I had my phone on my lap and recorded myself because I was interested in what I might end up saying…

I’ve run it through a transcription software [magic stuff ey], and ✨poof ✨ here it is. There was loads of other amazing stuff said by Jo McLaughlin, Tabish Khan and Shona Bland, founder of Art Friend, my fellow panellists - but sadly the mic didn’t pick them up as clearly, so might need some manual transcription there. Brb.

Anyway. Some thoughts on the theme of rejection.

Starting off lightly (notttt) by talking about economic infrastructure.

"We've come a long way, and we’ve done well in democratising accessibility - to an extent - of who can practise art but we haven't reshaped the social or economic landscape to make space for all those artists. We have... doubled the number of students... But have we doubled the number of tutors? jobs? collectors? You get the point.

Rejection is always there, of course it is, I’m human, personally and professionally, but what's really interesting is... I just got really good at reframing. I just got really good at interpreting it as redirection, subconsciously, to the point where I find it hard to think of when I might have been ‘rejected’.

Conversations like these are so important because feeling rejected is not a singular emotion. It's tied in with shame, guilt, jealousy, identity crises and all kinds of messy stuff. If we just think about it as something singular that you just pop in a box, or delete the email, what's that going to do? We need so much more space and time to talk about such complex things… ideally in person! I really would love to open it up... we just need to talk about it more, right?"

[she’s serious, she’s expressive, she’s surgically attached to her new Stanley cup]

Shona: How do you change that sort of defeatist attitude and turn it into a positive? You were saying that you reframed it in your mind and that you don’t look at it like that anymore. How did you do that?

“Part of the reason I applied to St Martin’s at 15 (and got rejected, obvs) was because I was being homeschooled. I was really unwell, physically and mentally... there was social rejection and bodily rejection. But kids who are sick get tough. We’re tough cookies.

Honestly, that’s what it was for me. I had to learn in a really brutal way that I was in control of the stuff I was in control of, and I absolutely wasn’t in control of the stuff I wasn’t.

I have a really big faith. I really believe in purpose and meaning. I also have layers of visible and invisible privilege, which I’m aware massively contributed. I had amazing parents who were like, “No, absolutely, you’re going to art school” and really defended me to my school and teachers. Everyone else thought going into the arts was a bit of a waste. But I was absolutely serious. I said, “I’m going to apply at 15, thank you very much.”

By 17 or 18, I was radically optimistic because I’d survived. I’d made really conscious choices throughout my teens to live. One of those choices was when my mum took me to the St. Martins open day. She wanted to show me there was something more in life. I remember walking into that foyer, anyone who knows Central Saint Martins knows the vibe is special. I was like, “Wow.” I saw this girl who made knickers with razor blades to raise money for FGM survivors. I took a photo with her. Years later, I ran a gallery in Soho, and she came in, and after a minute or two I realised it was the same person. That was amazing, we’re connected now. She’s even more amazing! That day kept me alive spiritually, physically, emotionally.

So yeah, you build resilience, don’t you? You make a choice to do it.

And sometimes you have the enormous privilege of being surrounded by people who make that choice with you. I guess it goes without saying, I’m a big advocate for community, for finding your tribe, for nourishing relationships. That’s fundamental.”

On banking evidence to build confidence:

“Does anyone have like a smile file? Or like a little collection of positive comments? I have a little note on my phone that's ‘kind words’. I just screenshot kind words and put them in there. It's emails, it's comments, it's loads of stuff. I'd really recommend doing that.

Things people have said to you. I think that's the difference, right? We can say positive affirmations, but we have survival instincts that are activated by what other people think and say about us. We take other people's words super seriously. And you will all remember the worst thing that's been said to you. And you will not remember the best thing that's been said to you. And once you start tracking it, you'll be like, ‘oh my gosh, this is really filling up’.

I’m a big fan of evidence building. Create evidence about the type of person that you are. I'm the friend that shows up. I'm the artist that keeps going. I'm kind, I'm thoughtful, I speak to people, I listen to people. The kind words that people say about you are part of the evidence of who you are. And they’re sometimes easier to believe than you saying it about yourself.

Because... affirmations, manifestation, it has a place. But speaking to a mirror, you can be speaking dead words. We often really need to hear it from other people to begin to believe it.”

On separating out what we really want vs what we’re told to want:

“The world constantly tells us what to want, and eventually we internalise it. Every artist has been told the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition is something you’ve got to want, even if you don’t actually want it. And I don’t know if there’s an easy way to split those apart. We internalise everything. We live in a distorted, dystopian world where our identity isn’t really our own. We clothe ourselves in clothes sold to us; we consume media made for us, unless you’re really on it and really curating what you consume.

I don’t think you can fully untangle it, maybe a druid on a mountain in Guatemala might truly know who he is and what he wants. But for all of us, it’s a daily process: working it out, trying, asking why. Maybe not just letting life happen to you, but doing to life. Interrogating some of this stuff.

Not everyone is going to be an artist in a shed, rejecting all the system’s goals. Let’s talk about the capitalism shaped elephant in the room… One of my favourite guiding questions is: am I playing a game for a prize that I actually want to win?

Is the prize something I truly want, or something someone else has told me I should want?

Is it really my prize, or do I not actually care?

I think that’s sometimes a really helpful orientation.

A quick ode to the rampant exploitation of creatives xxx

“Sometimes art or writing isn’t just outright rejected, sometimes it is accepted, but its value is rejected. I’ve written loads for other people and I almost never get paid to write in that context. So the value of my writing is being rejected because I’m working for free. In the art world, people are expected to do stuff for free; the work isn’t being rejected, but the value of it is. Does that make sense?

It’s another form of rejection: on the face of it, you’re being accepted, but you’re not actually being accepted because you’re not sufficiently compensated. The value isn’t there for them. It’s insidious, it’s a false promise, it’s empty and hollow… and leaves people feeling as such but they’re not sure why, because they got the opportunity / exposure etc etc. Exposure doesn’t pay bills. ”

We gotta rest team and start gardening [our minds].

“There's got to be space for rest as well. It's very exhausting, there's so much fatigue that exists for creatives. I've been thinking a lot in the last year or so about the facets of health and how we woefully underestimate the power of creative health, alongside and supporting other facets of health, and what that can look like for everyone; play and rest in a creative capacity.

How do we all tend to the garden of our creativity, pause, take a second but in a positive way so it's not rumination but sowing seeds, or gently weeding. Have I taken the analogy too far?”

But then make the opportunities. Pro 👏🏼activity 👏🏼

“And so when you're in that season of having a bit of vim and vigour , you've done your rest, sorted out your fatigue, how can you make opportunities for yourself? Get innovative. Increase your luck. Make your own luck. We're in a tough landscape.

Get scrappy, get brave.

It’s so easy to forget that behind every email, every social media handle, every gallery or institution, there’s a real person, with their own stories, hooks, and choices.

It’s not about mass emails or automated messages, it’s about genuine human moments, bring them a coffee, go and see some art together, get to know each other.

So don’t hesitate to reach out, to chat, to connect. People make up the world, and opportunities happen because of people.”

hehe we’re chatting social media!

“It’s really not about how many follow you, it's about who follows you.

Social media has its place, but it’s an addictive substance, literally designed like a slot machine. So: get an app blocker (shoutout to Opal), do your social media admin for 15 minutes a day, and be done. No point endlessly scrolling and comparing. Mental health first. Social media squishes everything down: little boxes, 30 seconds, two minutes.

You can't have a complex conversation about rejection in a 30-second TikTok, that's why we're here. Make space. Make time. Put in those coffee dates, those calls. In your seasons of vim and vigour, make opportunities; in your seasons of rest, rest.

Social media can feel like a full-time job, but it doesn't have to be. With the right systems and strategies, it can be very boundaried and functional. We can’t all afford an assistant, and outsourcing isn’t always the fix, but if I could, I’d sit down with each of you and write out a social media strategy: this is how you do it in 15 minutes a day. And yes, Instagram keeps telling you to keep posting and engaging to stay relevant, but remember, they tell you that to keep you on the app. It makes them money.”

be sad, and then be grateful*

“What are you doing now that your younger self would’ve chopped their left arm off for?

What is it about your life now, that you once dreamed of having?

Put it in perspective, and make space for the present.”

Thank you Shona and Art Friend for having me!!!!!

*I’m not insane enough to be discounting genuinely hard stuff, sometimes the ‘be sad’ stuff takes longer, that’s cool, make sure you’ve got your team around you.

Anyway. Haven’t really proofread. I said it on camera, it’s on record, might as well whack it here. Chat to me. Agree? Disagree? LMK.

Rejects baby.

Love P x

ps. if you’ve noticed a sneaky rebrand round here YES YOU HAVE. Welcome to The [Creative] Health Club. You’re SO welcome. x